Religion

The arrival of the Pope in Sydney for World Youth Day has sparked much discussion about Religion. The ridiculous laws that have been introduced (one can be arrested and charged $5,500 for wearing a Tshirt with a slogan deemed "annoying") and has fuelled a lot of hate towards the Catholic church.

I consider myself a recovering Catholic. I don't have anything against the Catholic Church, I just don't agree with loads of their beliefs although I still find myself brainwashed into the whole "guilt thing" (13 years of Catholic school does that to you). People are free to believe whatever they want, even if it is a crock of shit, it's the forcing of one's opinion on others that shits me.

Well they say you shouldn't speak about Religion or Politics, but when you are a bit trashed and sitting with some close friends who share similar views it's quite easy to let rip.

Saturday afternoon Chris had a BBQ which got a little messy (I still haven't had a drink, I'm up to day 42 of being booze free). People started getting creative and sharing their ideas for "annoying" T-shirts when someone remarked that Religion should be illegal. It made me think that Religion would be so much cooler if it was forced underground.

Last night I went to this church, it was set up in some old warehouse - you had to ring a special number an hour before mass started to find out where it was. They had this beautiful projection of a crucifix on the wall that that kept pulsating. It looked like it was breathing. The priest was totally righteous... and the hymn selection was divine. We must have said mass 3 times. The communion wafers had stamps of IHS on them, and they had a split on score on the back. I was exhausted by the end of it but I felt heavenly. It was put on by some guys called the Catholics or something? I got a flyer for this other thing put on by Raelians next week, its got pictures of UFOs and shit on it, it looks mad.

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The other night as i was drifting off into sweet slumber a pleasant memory popped into my head. (I think it has something to do with eating healthily and not drinking)

When I was 9 I went to the dentist with my parents, 2 brothers and my sister. All of us kids got a check up and fluoride treatment. Like all kids we hated going to the dentist with a passion, even if he was out uncle. It was a miserable day outside and after we had all been seen our minds turned to the only thing worse than the dentist: school.

It was at that point Mum and Dad gave my sister a handful of cash and told her to take us to the movies. We all walked up to the train station with smiles on our faces like it was Christmas morning. We went into the city and watched Honey, I shrunk the kids... and we all really enjoyed it.

My parents only recently sold their house and they are moving up the coast so it will require a little more effort (and an overnight stay) to see them. One of my brothers lives in Qld so I don't see him very often , although lately we have been calling each other and just talking about bullshit(my favourite!). My other brother and I have a strained relationship which we've both put a lot of effort into building in the last few years, with a really good outcome.

I think this memory that popped into my head was the last time I felt so close to my family. We all love each other but being the youngest child (by 5 years) I never really felt that close to my siblings. And being a fag I kind of felt like the black sheep when I'd turn up to a family bbq having not slept from the night before and eagerly anticipating the first moment I could escape.

Anyway, I don't really know where all that came from.

I'm off for brekkie.

Making up words II

This one just came to me.

Spunk + Spectacular =

Spunktacular

i) He looked spunktacular in his tight, glittery jeans
ii) The cum shots in that porno are spunktacular.

NB. Spunk has 2 meanings in Australia. It is defined as "a cute guy" on urban dictionary.... if you look through all the other meanings that refer to semen and ejaculation

Making up words

I love making up words here are some of my favourites:

Awesome + Asymmetrical =

Awsymmetrical. The Xmas lights on their house were awsymmetrical.

Fantastic + Fascinating =

Fantascinating. The Sir David Attenborough documentary was fantascinating

And today's masterpiece:

Feng Shui + Punctuation =

Fungshuation. The fungshuation promoted a good energy flow on the poster.

Thought for the day.

Ignorance is bliss, but willful ignorance is so complicated. Self delusion is a full-time job.

Alexandria: Out of focus

After finally deciding there was almost a 100% chance that there was an entrance to the right hand side of the building, I carefully crossed the driveway and after passing a Van full of people who I am certain were giving me the evil eye and chortling about me in the back, I entered McDonald's.

There were 2 people being served at the counter and I watched them exchange money and goods with the Maccas chicks and wander off in my peripheral vision. I was busy pretending to read the menu board deciding what to eat, but I already knew exactly what I wanted. The lights were so bright... but that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it? A girl Made eye contact - it was bound to happen, she so thinks I'm stoned. - and paused then asked me if I was "right?". "Well that is a matter of opinion" ,I thought to myself.

"I'd like a medium cheeseburger meal please" I asked. I had convinced myself that it would be much easier than this to say those words. "I'd also like a..."

"Do you want Coke?" she interrupted.

"...soda water instead of a Coke"

She actually asked me... and I'd made such an effort to remember to ask for Soda Water.

"and and extra cheeseburger". YESSSS! I remembered everything.

She so knows I'm stoned.

I give her a $10 note. I get some change. I wait for a while. A "Manager" looks me in the eye before she hands me a bag and says "Thank you". She is still looking at my eyes. She so knows I'm stoned.

I say nothing.

"Where the fuck is my drink, bitch?", I think.

She scuttles off and re-appears with my Soda Water.

I don't remember if I thanked her. I probably did. I walk outside and wondered: Who the fuck do they think they are to to give me greaseys because I'm stoned?? The only reason I eat that shit is because I'm stoned! And the only reason I had the guts to order it is because I'm also probably a little bit drunk!

Speaking of drunk; I was down the pub with Muzz before and our conversation turned to the imminent weekly celebration of Sex and The City. From what I gather the pub has a promotion involving food and prizes. I joked with Murray that I would be a shoe-in to win the "Best Dressed Competition" (people are encouraged to dress up for a prize) with what had happened previously in regards to my careful t-shirt selection and its repercussions. Soon after an old lady walked in with a fabulous fake (Whatever the new Louis Vitton equivalent is) handbag. We said I would have no chance now. I should have more carefully accessorised.

Beers went down, pool was played, Samantha spoke about penises, trains pummelled through semi-trailers that were parked where there shouldn't have been parked. I bought more beer and gave a very generous tip of $1 (see, I must have been drunk too). Half way through my Coopers I was interrupted by the lovely Elisha(?) and was told that I was the best dressed. I was quietly handed a $25 gift voucher for Coles/Myer (but I can spend it at Kmart or Liquorland as well - it will be a tough decision).

But what happened next? How did I get stoned after I left Murray at the pub? Did I feed my neighbour's fish like I promised? What bloody t-shirt selection repercussions?

These questions and more may be answered in the next entry of "Alexandria: Out of focus"