Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Alexandria: Out of focus

After finally deciding there was almost a 100% chance that there was an entrance to the right hand side of the building, I carefully crossed the driveway and after passing a Van full of people who I am certain were giving me the evil eye and chortling about me in the back, I entered McDonald's.

There were 2 people being served at the counter and I watched them exchange money and goods with the Maccas chicks and wander off in my peripheral vision. I was busy pretending to read the menu board deciding what to eat, but I already knew exactly what I wanted. The lights were so bright... but that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it? A girl Made eye contact - it was bound to happen, she so thinks I'm stoned. - and paused then asked me if I was "right?". "Well that is a matter of opinion" ,I thought to myself.

"I'd like a medium cheeseburger meal please" I asked. I had convinced myself that it would be much easier than this to say those words. "I'd also like a..."

"Do you want Coke?" she interrupted.

"...soda water instead of a Coke"

She actually asked me... and I'd made such an effort to remember to ask for Soda Water.

"and and extra cheeseburger". YESSSS! I remembered everything.

She so knows I'm stoned.

I give her a $10 note. I get some change. I wait for a while. A "Manager" looks me in the eye before she hands me a bag and says "Thank you". She is still looking at my eyes. She so knows I'm stoned.

I say nothing.

"Where the fuck is my drink, bitch?", I think.

She scuttles off and re-appears with my Soda Water.

I don't remember if I thanked her. I probably did. I walk outside and wondered: Who the fuck do they think they are to to give me greaseys because I'm stoned?? The only reason I eat that shit is because I'm stoned! And the only reason I had the guts to order it is because I'm also probably a little bit drunk!

Speaking of drunk; I was down the pub with Muzz before and our conversation turned to the imminent weekly celebration of Sex and The City. From what I gather the pub has a promotion involving food and prizes. I joked with Murray that I would be a shoe-in to win the "Best Dressed Competition" (people are encouraged to dress up for a prize) with what had happened previously in regards to my careful t-shirt selection and its repercussions. Soon after an old lady walked in with a fabulous fake (Whatever the new Louis Vitton equivalent is) handbag. We said I would have no chance now. I should have more carefully accessorised.

Beers went down, pool was played, Samantha spoke about penises, trains pummelled through semi-trailers that were parked where there shouldn't have been parked. I bought more beer and gave a very generous tip of $1 (see, I must have been drunk too). Half way through my Coopers I was interrupted by the lovely Elisha(?) and was told that I was the best dressed. I was quietly handed a $25 gift voucher for Coles/Myer (but I can spend it at Kmart or Liquorland as well - it will be a tough decision).

But what happened next? How did I get stoned after I left Murray at the pub? Did I feed my neighbour's fish like I promised? What bloody t-shirt selection repercussions?

These questions and more may be answered in the next entry of "Alexandria: Out of focus"



At 10:02 AM, Blogger Muzbot said...

"Labels: I'm so full of shit sometimes." - Yes you are, and we love you for that.

OOoo, I can't wait to see what happens next in Alexandria. Detox anyone?

At 5:49 PM, Blogger ycheekymonkey said...

what happens next!!!!! I need to know, don't keep me hanging on!

And that chick is sooo a maccas worker for life!

At 9:10 PM, Blogger puppet said...

hehe cute


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