Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Eight bucks

I feel like I've been writing quite boring content recently. I thought that I'd share something with you that happened over the Xmas/NY break which I thought was quite funny.

For New Year's Eve/Day I flew up to Lismore to attend the Tropical Fruits festival. The night before I left I was lying in bed with a million things running through my head. I thought of a few extra things I should pack the following morning including an insulated bag for beer, some paper plates, a picnic rug and some cutlery.

The following morning I jumped out of bed and hastily packed these extra items while I made sure the house was locked up and that I hadn't forgotten anything I had thought of the night before. Before I knew it my friend, Marc, was downstairs waiting in his car to take me to the airport.

After arriving at the airport I checked in my luggage and made my way to the security check. Surprised that no-one made me remove my belt, I waited at the end of the conveyor belt to collect my carry-on luggage. It was only then that I noticed that my bag had been put to the side. I tried to catch the x-ray operator's attention, but he told me to wait. A couple of minutes later I was attended to by a supervisor asking me if I had any knives in my bag. Shit! I was in such a rush that I'd packed the cutlery in my carry-on luggage instead of my checked-in luggage. The guy was friendly enough, and I told him he could keep the butter knives, Lord knows what havoc I would wreak on the plane with them!

I ran into some friends at the gate, and they all proceeded to make fun of me. Lesson learned.

Flying home from Lismore (a small regional town) the security system was much different. Upon checking in, the staff member asked me if there was anything dangerous in my bag. "No" was my reply. No X-ray, no metal detector, nothing.

Two days later, back in Sydney, a friend arrived from out of town. I the spent the following four nights staying with him, with a bag I'd packed. At the end of his stay I took him to the aiport to see him off on his adventure to Melbourne. Not thinking I would be taking the bag I'd been living out of to the airport, it never crossed my mind to scrutinise what was inside it.

I showed my friend to the security screening area after he'd checked in, and I placed my bag on the X-ray machine conveyor belt. I saw the operator pull it off the conveyor belt and put it through the machine again. By this stage I could see the screen of the X-ray machine, and I could also see my pair of handcuffs sticking out like dogs balls. I had a bit of a chuckle to myself and told one of the attendants that I had some handcuffs in there.

He didn't seem to see the humorous side of things.

"Please come over here, sir"

I followed him to the table. "Sorry, mate, I have some handcuffs in there".

"Please remove them from your bag, sir."

Condoms, lube, there they are, handcuffs!

"Do you realise it's a federal offence to bring handcuffs into an airport?"

"Shit, no, sorry, I completely forget I had them in there!"

"I may need to call the federal police, I'll just check with my supervisor"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

After chatting with his supervisor and pointing at me, the supervisor, a lady of small stature with a thick Russian accent came over and started talking to my friend. They were both talking AT each other.

"EXCUSE ME! These are my handcuffs, can you please talk to ME!", I exclaimed.

The woman told me that I wasn't allowed to bring them into the airport.

No shit. "Keep them, they were eight bucks."

"Did you drive here, sir?"

"No, we caught the train"

"You can go and put them in your car if you like"

"No, we caught the train"

"Oh, you can't take them into the airport, if you like we can hold onto them until you leave."

WTF? Weren't you about to ring the cops on me?

"Keep them, they were eight bucks"

Then the guy with so sense of humor chimed in.

"They're not even real"

No shit, Sherlock. Eight bucks.

We walked away, and after the adrenalin rush subsided I realised what a bunch of cunts I was dealing with at security.

Seeing as my next flight is direct to NYC, I'd better be extra careful about what I pack in my carry-on. Maybe I'll just check all my bags in.



At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should buy some TNT candles...that'll shake em up

At 5:24 PM, Blogger Leesa said...

We only made fun of you a little bit. You actually gave quite a fright and I thought we'd be flying to Lismore without you!


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