crap, culture, cackling

Jackie invited me to some random performance at the PACT theatre last night. Her friend was involved with it somehow. We had dinner at the Rose and had a smoke on the way to the theatre. We were almost the last ones in. We found some seats in the back corner of the scaffold tiered seating and got comfortable on the big, fluffy cushions. Just as we were settling into our seats we noticed an older gentleman clambering up the scaffold narrowly avoiding several accidents. There were a couple of vacant seats to our left but it would have meant more tricky navigating for the man.

The man seemed to be trying to acquire a position for his posterior between the people in front of us. One of these people, Iain (by coincidence Jackie knew him), was only too kind to direct him to the seats adjacent to us, then, upon realising how hard they would be to get to, he gestured that the man sit between me and Jackie. We gave each other an "I don't fucking think so" look before the tension was broken by Iain saying "Why don't you sit between us, Dad"

Can you believe it? What an arsehole? Jack and I tried to stifle our laughter at how poorly this man had been treated by his own son but we were saved by the director(?) saying a few words.

We were apparently at a showcase for the Brave New Theatre Company which gives up-and -coming actors, script writers & directors a chance to showcase their talents (or lack thereof as it would turn out). She spoke very poorly and didn't make much sense, but I worked it out later.

The first performance started and I thought to myself "Oh god, not an hour and a half of this!" 2 minutes into it and Jackie glanced in my direction. I didn't look at her but I started giggling at the absurdity of the performance. I hoped to God she wasn't laughing. I spent the next 5 minutes staring at the ceiling in an inaudible fit of hysterical laughter. My belly ached.

It was hilarious and terrifying. If I made any noise Jack would start and then I wouldn't be able to stop. I eventually contained myself and tried to understand what the fuck was going on, unsuccessfully.

The house lights came on and before the applause began Jack half whispered to me, "what the fuck?" and I completely lost it, luckily my laughter was hidden by the half-arsed applause.

The second performance was another whole-lot-of-nothing with sporadic bursts of stifled giggling from me and Jackie. Third performance was ok, nothing to write home about.

The fourth performance was hilarious. It started with a very loud, brash, American woman (Kitty Green) making quite an entrance. She gave the impression that she was about to start a show and she was directing audience members as thought they were her crew so that they might be able to meet her requirements. It soon became apparent to her that her taxi driver had taken her to the PACT theatre, not the the Sydney Entertainment Centre for her 3 day seminar, "Believe, Receive, Achieve".

While she waited for her "people" to come and collect her, she was going to squeeze her seminar into 7 minutes for us, at no charge. I was in tears of laughter. "Alright now, I want everyone to close their eyes. You should be seeing black, now". Think Tony Robbins meets Dr Phil with the voice of Bo from Ab Fab.

It was a fun night out and the 3 average performances certainly made Kitty Green all the more entertaining.

I can't work out if I had more fun laughing when I shouldn't have been, or laughing when I was allowed to. Either way my abs got a great workout.