for simon

Simon was begging me to make an entry on my blog so I thought I would oblige him. (Are you happy now, Simon?)

I have been to Jackie's house before, on many occasions. On each occasion when I have ventured to the bathroom and lifted the toilet seat to take a wazz, the toilet seat has crashed down in front of me when both hands have been busy my unzipping my fly. I have ended up resorting to holding the toilet seat up with one hand awkwardly as I weed one-handed, or pulling my pants down when I have been drunk and lazy.

Jackie is my bestie and when i get fired and evicted i don't want to have to worry about weeing on the toilet seat when i wake up in the middle of the night after i've passed her sleeping on the lounge when i walk to do a wee!!!

when i closed the bathroom doori after me I fell to me knees and groaned (it's been a while). My fingers fumbled before they got busy unscrewing the wingnuts on the toilet seat. I slowly pulled the seat forward. When i had gathered my thoughts I pulled the seat foward a little more, then a little more and a little more. Then I tightened the wingnuts.

I lifted the toilet seat and it didn't fall down.

Gentlemen, you owe me.